You’ve landed on a free preview of the Bouncing Back from Failure course. We’ve selected two lessons that will help give you an idea of what this course is all about. You’ll find them below. If you’d like to access the rest of the lessons or course materials, you can purchase the course here:
As I mentioned in the beginning of this class, I flunked out of an excellent private school when I was a teenager. I felt like I failed because I had failed. As a result, I developed a belief that the lingering feeling of shame that shadowed me was not only deserved, but was my atonement. My mind constantly reminded me that I had failed myself out of Bellarmine. It was as if my brain hadn’t moved on. There was a part of me that hadn’t come to terms with the situation, and I was still stuck in the past, preventing me from fully engaging with the current world. This lack of engagement led to additional academic failures, which in turn led to more shame and more academic failure.
It was similar to having a mental zombie that kept rising from the dead to haunt my mind. This lingering failure made me feel ashamed and prevented me from opening up to future opportunities, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy that led to even more failure. It was as if my mind was stuck in a shame spiral that I couldn’t get out of.
Typically, the shame spiral plays out in a loop that goes like this:
Over each iteration of the shame spiral, you begin giving your personal Judge evidence to repeatedly condemn you for all of your past and current failures. In our legal system, being tried for the same crime twice is considered double jeopardy, which is illegal. If it’s illegal in our court system to punish you twice for the same crime, then why do you allow your mind to get away with it? A lot of it has to do with the fact that our Judge has become so ingrained in our minds that we can’t distinguish his voice from our own clear thinking. So, the first step we must face is to focus on spotting the Judge. The good news is that becoming aware of this Judge allows us to not take the Judge so seriously.
The Judge uses common language to indicate he’s involved in your life. Usually, he starts sentences with the following openers:
By being able to spot the Judge, you create distance between yourself and it that will help you break his shame-inducing logic.
As we teach in our course, Building a Network for Success, the people we surround ourselves with have a phenomenal impact on our well-being. You are the average of the top five people you spend the majority of your time with. We all know the power of compounding interest: invest a small sum of money, give it time to grow, and when you return, you should have much more money. The same can be said about compounding relationships. If you invest your time with good people, then they will repay your time with love, encouragement, and personal growth, which will make you a stronger person over time. Conversely, if you spend your time with negative people, then they will repay your time with despair, self-doubt, and stifled personal growth.
So then why do we choose to spend time with people that have a negative impact on our lives?
There are several reasons why we stay in failed relationships:
The easiest way to spot a failed relationship and diagnose the situation is to use the relationship journal found within your Bounce Back Journal.
Chronicle and analyze your relationships by asking yourself the following questions:
So how do you increase the odds of getting what you want without hurting the other person?
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Jordan has spent over a decade forging relationships with CEOs, authors, and entrepreneurs through his professional work on Google’s Mergers and Acquisitions Team, and Google’s Talks Program - a TED-like series recorded for offices worldwide. Jordan’s also the community manager and founder of the Silicon Valley Investor’s Club (SVIC).
Joe is an engineering leader who has dedicated the majority of his career to developing, training, and educating culturally diverse teams. He has been an instrumental part of delivering technical experience to large-scale distributed systems, modern user experiences, cross-platform and multilingual applications.
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