“Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.”
-George Bernard Shaw
Hey!
It’s Jordan, checking in again to lead this lesson on how to manage failed relationships. As crass as Shaw’s quote seems, it is accurate in the case of toxic relationships. Sometimes we cross paths with people that just take it out of us. There is always drama when they are around, and we find ourselves sucked into it. Lesson 10 is about recognizing and managing those failed relationships.
The Power of Compounding Relationships
As we teach in our course, Building a Network for Success, the people we surround ourselves with have a phenomenal impact on our well-being. You are the average of the top five people you spend the majority of your time with. We all know the power of compounding interest: invest a small sum of money, give it time to grow, and when you return, you should have much more money. The same can be said about compounding relationships. If you invest your time with good people, then they will repay your time with love, encouragement, and personal growth, which will make you a stronger person over time. Conversely, if you spend your time with negative people, then they will repay your time with despair, self-doubt, and stifled personal growth.
So then why do we choose to spend time with people that have a negative impact on our lives?
Understanding Why We Remain in Failed Relationships
There are several reasons why we stay in failed relationships:
- We are people-pleasers: From early in childhood, working as a team is prioritized over individuality. This can become a slippery slope of lost boundaries and the inability to say “no,” and we end up staying in bad situations out of fear of hurting someone else’s feelings.
- We fear the unknown: Many times, we haven’t spent much time alone, or have only been in relationships that are unhealthy. We therefore don’t even know what it’s like to be in healthy relationships. The fear of the unknown is what then drives us to stay in our toxic situation. We think to ourselves that “a known hell is better than the unknown.”
- We believe that we are flawed: Sometimes we stay in bad relationships because we believe that we are flawed. This is when that imposter voice comes in and lies to us, telling us that it is better to stay in unhealthy relationships because if we are around better people, then they may see us for who we “really” are.
Using the Relationship Journal to Diagnose and Repair Failed Relationships
The easiest way to spot a failed relationship and diagnose the situation is to use the relationship journal found within your Bounce Back Journal.
Chronicle and analyze your relationships by asking yourself the following questions:
That’s it for this lesson. The next is our last lesson together, and it will be about embracing your fate.
To Do:
- Open your Bounce Back Journal and start diagnosing your relationships.
- If you find negative people in your journal, then it’s time to decide if you will try to repair those relationships or make your exit by using the strategies above.
– Jordan
Recommended Reading
- Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
- The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy
